Tuesday, May 4, 2010

H.U.G. = Holding Up to God

Let's be honest, I've had an emotional week.  Which you can probably tell from my last post.  And it's only Tuesday! Yikes.  

Mother's Day is coming up on Sunday, and guess what ... another year has gone by and I'm still not a mother.  This is a difficult time of the year for all of us who struggle with infertility issues.

I was at a party on the weekend and two of the women there had just found out they're pregnant and naturally were all excited.  And in my heart, for a change, I wasn't even struggling with feelings of sadness and jealousy.   What I was actually thinking was that maybe I'll get to be the one making an announcement soon!  Because we have been seriously thinking about international adoption and we're right in the midst of doing all our research. For a variety of reasons that I won't go into now (turns out international adoption is one very complex issue!), we finally narrowed the adoption choices down to Albania.  So there I was imagining our little Albanian child playing with his/her cousins-to-be who were already at that party, and day-dreaming about how amazing it would be.

Then yesterday morning, I got some sad news.  Due to my husband's age, we can only adopt a child who is a teenager.  And seeing as how we'd be first time, inexperienced parents, and the child would no-doubt come with some serious baggage at that age, and at the very least there would be a huge cultural gap as well as language issues, we just don't feel up to that kind of adoption.  (It's not that I don't realize older children need homes, I just don't feel adequate for the task of diving feet-first into teenage angst with a hitherto unknown adolescent from a completely different culture than our own who probably doesn't even speak our language!)

So I found myself in a meeting this morning - correction, I was leading a meeting this morning - and feeling a million miles away, and knowing I needed to focus and fulfill my responsibilities - which I did - with a sincere smile, even though I felt a little broken inside.  And right afterwards, I walked outside to get in my car and one of my friends stopped me and asked me if I was okay and I broke down and started to cry.  She just wrapped her arms around me and hugged me.  I mean, really HUGGED me!  And started to pray.   It was such a wonderful feeling of support and she prayed these words, "I'm holding my sister up to you God!"  

And I couldn't help but think, what healing power there is in a "prayer hug" when someone is hugging me and holding me up to God all at the same time.  So I'll send a big H.U.G. out to my cyber friends today.  We can probably all use a little love, a few prayers, and a big hug regardless of what we're going through.  (And thank-you Amanda, for being such a wonderful friend!)


  1. Thank you for letting me read these parts of your heart, Helen.


  2. H.U.G. Helen. thank you for sharing. I had no idea. I will keep you both in HUGS (love that)

  3. This post angers me. I live in Greece, Albania's neighbour, and just recently a man was arrested on the island of Crete for pimping a young girl (aged 13) that he bought for 2,000 euros from Albania!!!!

    Even here in Greece there are so many street children forced to work and beg. I think its so unfair that someone who evidently wants to give a home to one of these children should be stopped!

    Good luck with your efforts. Don't cry. Sometimes what we perceive as lost opportunities may be blessings in disguise. Sometimes we over-rate things - even things like motherhood.

    You are right not to take the teen as this would probably bring you more heartbreak than joy. I wish you JOY!

  4. Thank-you, all of you for your kind words. I am feeling much more together emotionally today.

    It is horrible that there are young children being abused, bought and sold, etc. when so many people are longing to give children a good home.

    However, I do understand why adopting through the "official channels" has a lot of stipulations -- the governments of both countries want to ensure that the very best care will be given to adopted children. I'm assuming the horrible man who bought a child for 2000 euros was probably not going through the official channels!

    There was a high profile case in the United States recently where a couple adopted a boy from Russia and then apparently after a few years when they discovered how serious his emotional/mental problems were, they just packed him up on a plane and set him back to Russia on his own! I can't begin to imagine how frightened the child must have been!

    And a couple of years ago here in Canada, a couple adopted a girl from Eastern Europe and when the going got tough, they sent her back (I think it was to the Ukraine) and by then she had no legal status in either country so she ended up as a prostitute in her native country. She eventually sued the Canadian government for a right to citizenship and health care as her adopted parents never bothered to apply for citizenship for her and she was left unwanted by every nation.

    Canada has since tightened up their laws considerably on international adoptions to prevent such a thing from happening to another child. At least they would be assured of citizenship now, but it does go to show you that the adoption process does not guarantee a happy ending for all parties involved.

    Thank you for your perspective Purple Cow, You are right that sometimes lost opportunities may be be blessings in disguise.



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